Gottman Dating Advice: How To Make Your Relationship Last

Gottman dating advice is essential for anyone in a relationship! Whether you’re just starting out or have been together for years, making your relationship last is key. Check out the rest of this article for some great tips on how to keep your relationship strong!

Recognize and express my feelings

If it happens, say something about it. Don’t let a fight pass without addressing it or trying to make up. You won’t regret it. And the other person won’t either. Being open and honest about your feelings is the cornerstone of any successful relationship. If you can’t express your feelings to your partner, how can they possibly express theirs to you?

Expressing my emotions can be difficult, but it’s important to do so in a way that doesn’t make me feel bad about myself

It’s not always easy to express our emotions, especially in romantic relationships. We often learn early on that it’s not acceptable to express strong feelings in any way other than happiness and joy. And while those feelings are important, they’re not the only ones we experience. When we feel hurt, angry, frustrated, or afraid, we often learn to bottle them up inside. It can be incredibly painful to express our negative emotions, especially to the people who matter most to us.

Keep in mind that your feelings are valid and no one should make you feel bad for them

Relationships are hard work and take a lot of work. We all know how easy it is to feel hurt or angry when your partner does or says something that seems to go against you or your feelings. It’s important to remember that your feelings are valid and that no one should make you feel bad for them. Sometimes a partner may say or do something that causes you to feel hurt and angry, but that doesn’t mean they were trying to hurt you. They may not even realize how their actions made you feel. Try to put your feelings into perspective. You may feel hurt and angry because you want to be treated differently, but if your partner isn’t ready to do that, it’s not their fault.

Talk with friends

If you don’t have a partner, it’s important to talk to other people about your feelings. Whether it’s an intimate friend, a close family member, or a friend of your parents, it’s important to talk to someone you trust and can confide in so you can find out how you really feel about your partner.

Write in a journal or on a sticky note

One way you can express your feelings is by writing about them in a journal or on a sticky note. This can help you remember what you’re feeling and how you’re feeling. It can help you sort through your feelings to see what’s going on for you right now.

Understand and support my partner’s feelings

Gottman research indicates that partners who are more emotionally attuned tend to have happier, longer lasting relationships. It doesn’t matter whether you’re the one who’s more anxious or the one who’s more emotionally intense; it’s important to remember that your partner’s feelings matter. Your partner deserves to be respected and to feel heard, especially when they’re dealing with strong emotions. Ask your partner what they’re feeling and make an effort to understand their experience from their point of view. If you can’t empathize with their feelings, try to put yourself in their shoes and imagine how you would feel if your feelings were being discounted.

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It’s important to remember that just because your partner may not be the one who first felt the loss doesn’t make their feelings less valid or less important

It doesn’t matter who originally experienced the loss, the feelings of the one who’s grieving are just as important as those who experienced the loss. Whether you’re the one who lost your partner’s parent or your partner lost you when you were an infant, it affects both of you the same way and should be treated as equally as important.

Whatever your partner’s feelings are, express your love and support for them

You will not gain your partner’s trust by pretending to care or by trying to change them. If your partner has a specific fear or phobia, take the time to learn about it. Try to understand where that fear or anxiety came from. Once you’ve identified what your partner is feeling and trying to deal with, help them work through those fears to develop their self-confidence.

Sometimes partners have different ways of displaying their emotions, and you may need to adapt and adjust your own expressions to communicate with your partner

You may have feelings that your partner is not sharing, and they may not be able to express their feelings in the way that you expect. A good way to handle this is to ask your partner how they are feeling and to express your own feelings in an authentic and caring way. Try to understand that your partner may be afraid of expressing their feelings for fear of hurting you and of not being able to trust you. If you can support them in opening up about their feelings, they may eventually be willing to express their feelings in ways that are more similar to your own.

Express your love for your partner

One of the biggest mistakes couples make is failing to express their love when they feel it. If you don’t say what you feel, your partner doesn’t know how you feel or if you even care. And in the heat of conflict, it’s easy to forget how much you love them. When you say “I love you” to your partner, it can be a powerful tool to help them feel secure in their relationship.

Set clear, realistic goals

Many couples have different goals for their relationship. This can lead to conflict if one partner wants to go back to how things were before, while the other partner isn’t ready for a change. To avoid hurt feelings and resentment, it’s important to make sure your goals for your relationship are clear and realistic. Try to talk about what you want from your relationship and how you expect to feel in the future.

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Set your goals according to your current circumstances and goals

You may not realize it, but your romantic goals and your partner’s may conflict with one another. You may have been in a relationship for 20 years and still be hoping that your partner will propose or that you will have a child together. Your partner may have been in hopes of getting pregnant for years and now you’re feeling frustrated. Or maybe you’ve always wanted to live in a bigger home, but your partner is perfectly happy with their current apartment.

Set realistic goals

It doesn’t matter whether your goal is to go on several dates a week, to get engaged or to have sex. Set a goal that feels right to you and then work towards it. If you’re not feeling relaxed or confident about your relationship, setting the wrong goal will only make things worse. Set a goal that feels challenging but doable, and work towards it consistently.

Write down your goals in detail

Set clear, realistic goals to make sure you have a plan for how to achieve your goals. For instance, if you want to spend more time together, plan to do activities that you both enjoy as a couple. Write down the activities you’d like to do and how you can best spend time together. Don’t forget to include things you enjoy doing alone either. By writing down your goals, you’ll be more likely to stay on track.

Make them measurable

It’s easy to get caught up in how you feel about your partner right now and forget what you both actually want. Instead of focusing on what you don’t like, try focusing on what you do. This type of thinking will help you set more realistic goals that are easier to accomplish. The clearer your vision of what you want your relationship to be, the easier it will be to achieve it.

Focus on what we have instead of what we don’t have

As humans, we naturally focus on what we don’t have, what’s missing, and what needs to change. But the more we dwell on the negatives, the more dissatisfied we’ll feel about what we do have. If you want to improve your relationship, take a moment to focus on what you do have instead of what you don’t. Focus on your partner’s strengths and the things you love about them. Focus on your shared history and the ways you’ve grown together. Focus on all the ways that you love and are loved by each other. When you refocus your attention on the positive aspects of your relationship, you can more easily see and appreciate what you already have and be more willing to work on improving the things that still need some work.

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Practice patience

It’s not easy to be patient when you’re anxious about your partner or your relationship. But being able to put your own needs on the backburner, whether that means waiting for your partner to be ready to talk about something that’s important to you, or giving them time to work through something that’s making them angry or frustrated, is incredibly important for a lasting relationship.

Recognize what you do have

If you find it hard to focus on what you have, take stock of what your partner does bring to the table. A great relationship doesn’t require you to fix or change anyone, and neither of you needs to change for the relationship to work. Instead, realize how lucky you are to have someone who makes you feel special, happy, and loved even with all your quirks and faults. Focus on appreciating what your partner does for you and your relationship, and the feelings you have for each other will naturally flourish. You can read more relationship advice about what you have instead of what you don’t have in the Gottman Couples Workshop.

Be grateful for what you do have

It may sound cliche but so often we take our partners for granted. We forget that they love us, that they put up with us. When we think about what’s great about our partners, it’s easy to remember the bad stuff. That’s not to say that we shouldn’t remember the bad things, but it’s important to remember that there are good things as well. Think about what you love about your partner and how much you appreciate them.

Be proactive

The idea that you can “win” if you can just be more proactive sounds simplistic, but it’s hard to argue with the results of the Gottman research. Couples who were more proactive in solving problems, prioritizing tasks, and being more supportive of one another had happier relationships, on average, as well as less conflict. Couples who took the time to really talk about what they wanted and needed from each other were less defensive and more able to work through disagreements and challenges.

In conclusion, if you want your relationship to last, following Gottman’s dating advice is a great way to start. Talk openly and honestly with your partner about what you both want and need from the relationship, and be willing to compromise. Be supportive and understanding of each other, and take time to nurture your relationship. With effort and communication, you can make your relationship last.