Advice for guys dating single moms: the do’s and don’ts. You’re a single mom, and you’re ready to start dating again. But you don’t want to just date anyone, you want to find the right person for you. And you want to do it right, so that you can find the lasting happiness and love that you deserve. So what are the do’s and don’ts of dating as a single mom? Read on to find out.
Don’t expect me to be more available
Even though single moms are juggling a lot of responsibilities, single dads are still expected to be breadwinners. Not only does this mean that they are usually the ones who are responsible for the finances, but they also have to work long hours at a job outside the home to keep the family afloat. Couples who decide to have kids may find it easier to find a balance, but single parents are often expected to be superheroes and do it all on their own. This doesn’t mean that single dads don’t want to spend time with their kids—it simply means that they can’t always be available to drop everything and play.
I am not going to text you every time my alarm goes off or every time the dog barks
I know you are still working on those morning routines, and I will not expect you to be available to answer my questions or respond to my needs every time my alarm goes off or the dog barks. When you are home, focus on your family and your life before you focus on me. In the meantime, learn to be comfortable with the fact that I will not be available every time the phone rings or the dog barks.
It’s not my responsibility to check your Facebook page or Instagram feed
You have the same responsibilities as any other person who is dating: Be honest, pay attention to yourself, and treat everyone with respect. If you’re going to post about your day or what you’re up to—and if you aren’t going to—then expect the same from everyone else. And if you’re going to be angry about an article or political rant, then don’t expect an open discussion with your partner about it.
I’m not a parent, so please don’t ask me to take care of your kids
If you want to have a relationship with me, then don’t expect me to be more available in the context of my children. I am a single parent for a reason: I have a full-time job, and my child is my top priority. While I love you, I will not trade time with my child to do things that are not for my child’s benefit. I will not sacrifice my time and energy to help you meet your demands, and I will not do any of the things that most single parents do to stay sane in a world that is constantly challenging and unpredictable—such as sacrificing my time, my personal well-being, my happiness, or my relationships just to please you. The bottom line is: I will not change my priorities or my schedule to accommodate you. If you want to have a relationship with me, you must learn to respect my priorities and my boundaries.
I am not a personal assistant, so please don’t ask me to do things for you that I am not comfortable doing
This is an easy one, but one that single moms often struggle with. While it’s perfectly fine to ask single moms for advice, sometimes it’s not appropriate to ask for help with every little thing. For instance, if you want to know where to get your dog’s teeth cleaned, it’s absolutely fine to ask, but it’s not okay to ask a single mom for a babysitter every time you want to go out. Determining what’s appropriate for a single mom to do and what’s not can be hard, especially if you’re used to being able to count on others to do things for you. But as a single mom yourself, you know how important it is to set boundaries for those around you so you can set boundaries for yourself.
I am not your friend I am not going to hang out with you just because you text me
If you are expecting me to hang out with you just because you text me it means you don’t understand the difference between friends and romantic partners. If you want to be friends with me then you can ask me out on a date or be my friend on social media. I am not your friend just because you send me messages. If you want to start a romantic relationship with me, then you need to stop prying into my life and start paying attention to me.
Be generous with time and energy
The most important thing you can do is show up. A single dad deserves to be with a woman who will show up consistently, even when it’s not easy. Being present and caring will go a long way toward helping a single dad see you as a partner and not just a visitor in his life. Being intentional with your time is a great way for a single dad to show you how important you are to him and his family.
Give genuine, thoughtful feedback
It can be challenging for a single mom to keep up with two different sets of priorities, so be sensitive to her needs. Avoid giving her unsolicited advice about how to handle her child or how to manage her day-to-day responsibilities. Instead, express genuine interest in how she balances her life and what she needs from her partner. If she’s having a hard time figuring out what she wants from a relationship, don’t force her to figure it out alone.
If you don’t have anything positive to say, keep your comments brief and avoid negative and irrelevant comments
If you aren’t sure what to say, say nothing at all. While it can be frustrating to have to listen to your partner talk about their day, or even just to listen to an endless stream of complaints, neither of you is obligated to talk about your day or even your thoughts. If you don’t have anything positive to say, keep your comments brief and avoid negative and irrelevant comments. When someone is trying to talk about their day, it’s usually because they have something important to discuss and want to make sure that their partner is paying attention. If you don’t have anything to add to the conversation, don’t distract them from their point.
Don’t talk for the sake of talking
If you can’t think of anything interesting to say, it’s a pretty safe bet that neither can she. If you’re just trying to fill time, she’ll quickly grow restless and wish you’d just go away. And if she’s the one who’s tired, she’ll be a lot more likely to fall asleep in the middle of a conversation.
Don’t micromanage
The most important thing any woman wants is to feel like you are in control of your life. Being a single mother doesn’t automatically mean you’ll be controlling of your day-to-day or your relationship. While you may be used to having a lot of responsibility, you don’t want to start to feel like you have to handle your partner’s day-to-day life as well. Try to let go and trust that your partner can handle their own responsibilities. If you’re having trouble doing that, it may be time to reevaluate how you’re approaching your relationship.
Don’t expect me to be more attentive or romantic
Regardless of the reason you’re dating single moms, the fact is you’re single. As a single mom myself, I know that sometimes it can be a struggle to be romantic and attentive when you’re trying to balance work, home, and your love life. There will be days when you come home and just want to put your feet up and zone out, and that’s totally okay!
Know that my first thought will be about my family
The single mommy dating world can be challenging for both single dads and single moms. We want to be supportive but still expect you to remember that we’re just as likely to think about our families as we are to think about you! This is especially true when it comes to sex. If you don’t want to think about your partner’s kids while you’re doing it, it’s probably best not to bring them up at all.
Don’t expect me to cater to your every whim
It’s not a question of whether or not single moms want to be the best romantic partners for you. It’s whether or not they have the energy and time to be the best romantic partners for you. After a long day at work and caring for a young child or children, your partner may just not be in the mood for a romantic evening. It’s not fair to expect them to be in the mood or to cater to your every whim when you know they’re already over-extended. If you really want to show your single mom how much you care about them, show it by being considerate of their time and energy.
I may not talk a lot, but I’m listening
A single mom is not only busy with her life and her children, she’s also dealing with the stress of keeping her family afloat. There’s no time for a deep conversation, especially about your feelings and what you want from your relationship. Don’t expect her to be more talkative than she is. Instead, let her know how much you care about her and listen to her when she does try to talk. She might be afraid you’ll think she’s boring, but she doesn’t want to be with someone who thinks she’s boring.
I’m a guy; I’m not your best friend or confidante
Being a single mom doesn’t mean you have to turn your life into a romantic comedy. There’s no reason that you can’t be honest about your feelings with your partner. You may have to be the one to show a little more patience or understanding, but that’s all right. Your partners will still love you no matter what. You don’t have to change who you are to be a good mom or a good partner.
Don’t talk about my kids
It’s a simple question, but one that single moms often struggle with. When you’re talking to a woman you’re interested in, do you bring up your kids? Or do you wait until she shares? And if she does? Can she talk about them in a way that doesn’t make you feel like you’re invading her privacy? It’s a fine line between interest in a woman and being a controlling boyfriend — and a single mom is more likely to get defensive than not.
I would never talk about my children to my friends, even if they were strangers
It’s one thing to talk to your friend about your childhood or the kids you share with your partner, but you should not talk to any friends of your partner about your children or your relationship unless you’ve discussed it with them first. Your friend may not want to discuss your romantic relationship with your children or your life, and that’s fine, but you shouldn’t talk about her children or her relationship with her partner without her knowledge.
The only people who should know my child’s name are the ones who are closest to them
The biggest thing single moms have to deal with is how to talk about their children. You can understand why. It’s very tempting to tell people all about your precious little one. However, it’s best not to do so. If you’re trying to show women you’re a good guy, you want to keep your focus on them. Not your kids. Your children are off-limits to other people unless your partner allows it. Your friends should be the ones to ask about your child, not you.
I would never tell my child’s school about any struggles they are having at home
One of the most difficult things about raising a child is keeping your emotions and struggles hidden from them. Every parent struggles with the appropriate balance between showing their child love and exposing them to the reality of life. While it can be important to talk about your hopes and concerns with your children, it is incredibly important to talk to them in a way that is age-appropriate. For example, if your child is under the age of five, it is probably not a good idea to discuss divorce or a death in the family. However, if you are raising a teenager it is important to talk to them about sex, drugs, and other potentially sensitive subjects.
I would never tell my child’s school if they were struggling in school
It’s easy to forget that your child is not an adult yet — or that they might be struggling in school. It’s not any of your business and it’s definitely not your place to try and remedy it. If they ask you about it, though, don’t lie. Tell them you’re there if they need to talk about it, and if you think it’s something to be concerned about, talk to their teacher. Your child is not responsible for schoolwork, and neither are you.
I would never talk about my child’s friends to their friends
If you want to learn about my family, ask me directly. Never assume that you know about my kids or what they like based on the kids I let over to play in our yard. If you know my kids well, it’s because I’ve shared a lot of information with you. Let’s make sure you’re giving me the same respect.
In conclusion, if you’re a guy dating a single mom, remember to be respectful, understanding, and considerate of her time and energy. Don’t try to take over or make decisions for her, and don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it. Most importantly, communication is key to making any relationship work. So, talk to your partner and work together to find a solution that works best for both of you.
